


Someone's Secret Santa

by Red_Artemis_Jane



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Christmas Smut, F/M, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter), Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:42:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21976051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Red_Artemis_Jane/pseuds/Red_Artemis_Jane
Summary: Something told Severus that it was her who had told Kingsley that he had managed to avoid the Secret Santa tradition. Oh well, at least it would be amusing to watch some Ministry nobody try to figure out what he wanted for Christmas. Good Luck.A short Christmas story wherein Hermione must find the perfect gift for one Severus Snape.
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Severus Snape, Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 10
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

“Absolutely not.”

“You have no choice Severus; you’ve managed to avoid it for four years too many.”

With an exaggerated eye roll and a huff, Severus Snape continued his pacing back and forth in front of the Minister’s desk.

“They get along fine without me, and you know it!”

“I don’t care if they can get along fine without you, I care that they could be doing much better with you there. I know this isn’t important to you, but it is important to all those who have to spend time away from their family and friends on the holiday. We ask a lot of them and this is all they have to look forward to!”

Severus let his lip curl up into a sneer, something he actively tried to avoid doing nowadays.

“You think that I do not know that? I am not devoid of empathy or the ability to acknowledge the sacrifices, however trivial, of others on my team!”

Kingsley sighed, and leaned back into his seat.

“I know, I know. I never meant to suggest otherwise… please just do it. What does it hurt? Give your person a simple potion and a book and be done with it. Who knows, you may actually enjoy the gift your Secret Santa gives you.”

Grumbling, Snape left the Minister’s office and headed toward the elevators. The whole concept of a Secret Santa irked him to no end. It was a silly tradition some American aurors had brought with them after the war to help cheer everyone up during the holiday. That had been before he started to work for the Ministry while he was still recovering. If he had been conscious, he would have hexed the lot for suggesting this drivel.

Severus Snape worked as a researcher in the Department of Mysteries. Well, not just any researcher, he was the head of the research team and had 12 people working under him. Their main focus was potions, of course, but they also dealt with the odd cursed object that no auror seemed to be able to understand. This Christmas several of his team were being asked to work on the holiday. A team of aurors was scheduled to raid a wealthy Potion Master’s house while he would be in for the evening and they expected they would need antidotes concocted to cure any poison thrown their way. A small contingent of Snape’s team would remain on standby.

He loved his job, he had hired each researcher personally, and they were a competent bunch. Most of them were near his age, many had been stuck in other positions within the ministry before he had found them and recruited them. Others were new to the ministry, many of them having been his students in what seemed like another life.

Among the young researchers was none other than Hermione Granger. He had been more than hesitant to hire her onto his team, but at persistent nudging from Kingsley and a rather stern suggestion from Minerva, he had taken a chance and reached out to her about the job, never expecting to hear from her.

Why would she agree to work for him anyway? After how terrible he had been. Sure, he was tasked with being horrid, but after so many years of the charade it had become his nature. He knew he had been unnecessarily cruel, especially to her, one of the only witches he encountered that had any real potential for the pursuit of potions research and innovation (if she could look up from her textbook for long enough). Yet to his surprise she accepted his offer of an interview and proved in a surprise practical examination (as was his custom) that she was capable of improvising beyond textbook instructions. They had been working together for nearly 3 years at this point.

Although still private and possessing a dark sense of humor, Snape had tried his best to turn over a new leaf after he survived the snake bite. In general, he got on with his team rather well. He wasn’t ‘friends’ with them per say, but he respected them, and they respected him. Once in a while they would talk about things other than work, when someone had happy news or the lot needed to discuss the latest ministry gossip. His interactions with his coworkers had been… tolerable. Sometimes even pleasant, though he would never tell them as much. He had been surprised to learn that Hermione possessed a sharp wit and quick tongue to rival his own. She was quick with comebacks, a wiz at seizing the opportunity for a good tease and was often the only one that smiled at all his little quips.

Over the past year they had begun to tease one another more often, each recognizing that they were evenly matched. Their verbal sparring often went way over the heads of the other people in the office, but they each came to enjoy it. He had recently realized that she was, not only a bright young woman, but exceptionally attractive. Out of curiosity, he had started to make some of his quips and teases to her a bit… flirty. Just to see her response of course.

To his great shock, she responded in kind; often throwing him a wink or a suggestive eyebrow. On one of her bolder days while they were alone in the lab, she had teasingly called him ‘Severus’ just to rile him up (he still went by Snape to most). But instead of being annoyed at her use of his name, he found he rather enjoyed hearing her use it, and didn’t take the bait and get angry. From that point on, when they were alone, they were on a first name basis. He had even considered asking her out, that is, until the holidays rolled around this year.

Somehow, he had forgotten that during Christmas she was the cheeriest of the bunch. Sporting red and green sweaters or snowflake leggings under her robes, ornament earrings or a jingle bell necklace, she even decorated the entire office on December 1st, and the decorations had multiplied each day since. It was nauseating really, constantly humming Christmas carols and charming each piece of lab equipment a different festive shade! Honestly, he hadn’t even been able to spar her like normal, instead just avoiding her altogether.

Something told him that it was her who had told Kingsley that he had managed to avoid the Secret Santa tradition, she was always rallying everyone around the idea, and he overheard many a ministry member hoping that she would pull their name. Each year she managed to give the ‘perfect’ gift. Finding something the person had wanted since childhood, or something their family was in need of but couldn’t afford, she was a true Mrs. Clause about the whole thing. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t mildly impressed with her gift-giving ability. She was sneaky about who she had, and quite cunning in the ways that she discovered what they wanted most, almost Slytherin really.

But this year, she had gone and ratted him out. He was sure of it. And now he would have to give some dunderheaded Ministry busybody a gift, and some even more unfortunate soul would have to give him one. His lip curved up a bit at the corner as he slammed his office door behind him, it would be amusing actually, to watch someone try to figure out what he wanted for Christmas. Good luck.


	2. Chapter 2

“Ginny. Absolutely not.”

“I don’t understand why you won’t just go ask him, you were so chummy just last month- Ouch! No need to pinch! Don’t think I didn’t notice that blush missy.”

“Ugh, honestly Gin, he has hardly looked at me in weeks. I think I was just reading too much into things.”

“Mhm, sure. Look all I am saying is that it can’t hurt for you to go and invite him to join in the fun.”

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea, why would he listen to me anyway.”

Ginny shrugged and her eyes began to twinkle. “Yeah, you’ve got a point.”

Hermione could hear the smile in her friend’s voice, and she stopped them in the hallway, dragging the ginger off to the side.

“I know that look, what did you do.”

Ginny’s smile began to spread, and Hermione narrowed her eyes.

“Ginevra Potter you tell me what you’ve done right now.”

Ginny began to rock back and forth on the balls of her feet. “Well I may have… sort of um… well you see, the other night Kings came over for dinner…”

Hermione’s eyes grew wide in comprehension. “You told him didn’t you! You told him that Severus had been avoiding the Holiday Party and Secret Santa! Argh!” Hermione gave a dramatic roll of her eyes and began to stalk down the hall, clutching her notebook to her chest.

“Hey wait a minute! Hermione!” Ginny jogged down after her, but Hermione didn’t slow down. “Listen, I didn’t mean to, it just sort of slipped out. Besides I didn’t tell him anything else, honestly. He said he would make Snape participate this time though. I just thought he may take the news better coming from you instead of Kingsley but noooo! Someone wouldn’t go talk to big scary Snape!”

Hermione stopped abruptly with a ringing of her jingle bell earrings and Ginny had to stutter to a stop and run back to her.

“Ginny, please, enough meddling. I enjoyed conversing with Sev- Master Snape, but he obviously wasn’t comfortable with the friendship we were developing. I would love for him to participate in the Secret Santa gift exchange, but only because it would be a good show of holiday cheer and support to others on our team. Plus, it would give someone in the Ministry the opportunity to show them kindness through a nice gift. Merlin knows he can use all the shows of kindness he can get.”

Ginny sighed and looked at her friend, obviously holding back, she knew it was because she was hurt that Snape had stopped talking to her for seemingly no reason, but there would be no good in bringing that up now.

“Alright, I will stop, I can’t control what Kings will do but my guess is that Snape will be participating this year.”

“Well good for him, now if you don’t mind, I need to head down and check on a potion I have brewing.”

She nodded, “Okay, I will see you tonight at the holiday party and drawing yeah?”

Hermione’s face softened, “Yes, I will be there.” A bit of a smile returning to her face, “I’m on a hot streak, hopefully I will get someone this year who is in need of a good gift.”

Ginny did her best to keep her face neutral this time, “Hopefully.”

\-------------------

The Atrium was packed. Charmed snow fell from the ceiling, alternating in color combo between red and green, blue and yellow, and plain white. Christmas carols could be heard if you strained your ear, but the chatter nearly drowned it out. Food lined the walls and Ministry workers milled about with plates and glasses of wine.

Hermione stood near the center of the group, surrounded by her fellow researchers and a very grumpy looking Severus Snape nursing a glass of fire whiskey. When the bell struck 8 o’clock, the chatter fell to a hush as they all turned to the middle of the atrium where a great glass globe stood.

The snow globe stood nearly 2 meters tall and sat on a large decorated platform nearly a meter high. Inside the globe stood Hogwarts in miniature, black lake included. Snow rained down from the top of the globe and blanketed the castle in a soft white glow.

Kingsley climbed the stairs to the base of the globe and raised his wand to his throat with a quiet “Sonorous”.

“Good evening everyone, and Happy Holidays!” A great cheer rose quickly and died back down.

“Welcome to our annual Holiday Party, and more importantly it seems, our Secret Santa name drawing! I hope you’ve all been enjoying the food and drinks. At some point in the evening we invite all guests to take a break from the holiday treats and draw a name from the snow globe. Each parchment is imbued with a tongue-tying jinx that will prevent you from revealing your identity to the person you have drawn or telling others who you have picked. You will have until December 23rd to get the person you draw a gift. Now enough from me, form a queue and wait your turn, thank you all for coming!”

There was a rush for the platform, and in the commotion, no one noticed Ginny throwing a quick spell at the globe.

One by one the snow globe shot names from a window in the glass to the person holding out their hand. The Department of Mysteries research team was near the front of the queue. Severus tried to hide in the back of the group, but Hermione caught him with a stern glare that caught him off guard. She seemed to be challenging him.

Never one to back down from a challenge he knocked back his drink and strode up to the platform, not even glancing at the paper he had received until he was halfway back to the bar. Hermione rolled her eyes and, after the rest of the researchers had drawn, stepped up to take her name. She took inspiration from Snape and decided to not look at her paper until she was several feet from the platform, her co-workers were already trying to peak and see who she got. After a quick look at the parchment, she decided that Snape again had the right idea, and a drink was in order.

Ginny found Hermione a while later at the bar, nursing what looked to be her third glass of wine judging by the two empty glasses to her right.

“There you are! Hermione, we have been looking everywhere for you!” Dragging Harry along behind her, Ginny maneuvered around to Hermione’s side.

“Uh oh,” Judging by the melancholy expression, Ginny figured that Hermione wasn’t happy with her Secret Santa pick. A quick glance down revealed that she was drinking red wine too, great, melancholy Hermione tonight it seemed! She always got sad when she had reds.

“What on Earth am I supposed to do! I can’t get a gift for them!”

Harry looked confused, first at Hermione and then at Ginny. “What? Why not? Who did you get?”

“You know she can’t answer that Harry.” Said Ginny quickly.

“Oh, you know, just someone who is absolutely impossible to buy for, intimidating beyond all hope, AND no one knows anything about their life outside of work. It’s going to be a complete disaster!” Hermione threw her hands in the air to punctate her last statement.

“Got it. I need a firewhiskey.” And off Harry went to the bar. Ginny just sighed into the seat next to her friend.

“Honestly Hermione it can’t be that bad- “

“No. It is that bad. I have never given a less than perfect present in my life, and no- “

“And you aren’t going to start now! Come on you can do this!! I know what you need.” Ginny darted to the bar next to Harry and whispered in his ear. With a quick smile and a wave from the boy-who-lived, the bartender shot towards them and got their drinks.

Plopping down the shot in front of Hermione, Ginny held up one of her own, even Harry held one.

“Alright, enough of your wine-induced grinchy-ness, we are going to take this fucking shot and figure out a plan! Bottoms up you Scrooge!” With a wink, Ginny held her shot aloft and Harry joined in. With an exaggerated eye roll, Hermione realized that her red-headed friend was not going to let her out of this. Exasperated, she grabbed her shot and held it up.

“To finding the best gift!” Ginny cheered, and all three tapped their glasses on the table and sucked down the liquor. Hermione was happy Ginny had remembered to get her vodka instead of tequila this time.

The liquid burned in her throat, and felt good hitting her chest, but she was still unsure, and Ginny seemed to notice.

“And another!” she summoned three more shots from the bar, and without giving them the chance to say no, got them all to drink it again. After a few moments Ginny leaned over and gave Harry a hard kiss before getting back to business at hand.

“Now look, I don’t care whose name is on that little slip of paper there, you are going to find a perfect gift and this is going to be fine. When have you ever backed down from a simple challenge like this? Fucking never that’s when. Get over it and let’s get to brainstorming.”

The liquor seemed to be taking effect as Hermione began to feel that fiery determination inside of her. Who cared if he was impossible to buy for? If she had never seen anyone give him a gift? That for some reason he suddenly hated her? She was going to make his Christmas and get him out of that funk. Because if she didn’t, who would?“

You know what? You’re right. Fuck it all.”

“There she is!” Said Harry, holding his firewhiskey aloft. “Now, let’s get back to the party! It’s been downright dull without Ms. Christmas cheer over here!” And with that they went off to find the rest of their friends.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year All! Enjoy, Next chapter we get to some cunning and fun...

The next morning Hermione found herself grateful that it was a Saturday, after the shots she had managed yet another glass of wine (white this time) before going home. Her head and stomach told her that it had probably not been the best idea. Slowly opening her eyes and getting out of bed, Hermione managed to grab a hangover cure from the cabinet before clunking into the shower. 

An hour later, she sat with a cup of coffee, a pen, and her notebook at her kitchen table. At the top of the page she had scrawled “Ideas for S.S.” which to any random observer would look like it stood for Secret Santa but had the benefit of doubling as Severus’ initials.

She started with a list of everything she knew Severus enjoyed.

First – Potions. Experimental and theoretical, academic and personal interest. Next, Travel. He had mentioned several times in their conversations that during his time off he traveled to different countries exploring and locating rare ingredients. After that, the next thing had to be books, they had spent many hours discussing both wizarding and muggle literature and had even found that they had a few favorites in common.

Hermione racked her brain, they had spent hours talking in the lab, in his office, at lunch, how could he not have revealed anything more? And who else could she ask for information? Out of all her co-workers and former classmates she knew him best, of that she was certain. But still their chats mainly revolved around work or intellectual topics. What did he do for fun? What did he need in his life? What would make him feel the Christmas spirit and joy that she had become so reliant on during this time of year?

As her mind wandered, she made little doodles in the margins of the page, a Christmas tree, a present, and a sprig of mistletoe. Shading the leaves of the mistletoe, which looked a bit like a deranged bat, she was reminded of the enchanted mistletoe that would creep up around Hogwarts during the holiday season. Luna always maintained that it was full of narggles, and while Hermione still had no clue what narggles were, some meddling creature would certainly explain how the stuff ended up everywhere at the most convenient (or inconvenient in her case) of times. She’d avoided Neville for a month after they had been trapped under one that refused to let them go until they kissed during her sixth year.

Holidays had truly been, for lack of a better term, magical at Hogwarts. The lights, the carols, the decorations, the giant trees Hagrid always brought in, she smiled to herself. Hagrid was the jolliest person in the castle during those cold winters, always giving sweet, maybe a little odd, gifts to his friends. One year, Hermione remembered that she had expressed concern about her grade in Ancient Runes and had receiving a strange winged-blue rock that was supposed to help her grade stay high. Another year, she had lamented that she didn’t know how to cook very well near the start of term, and months later had been given a beat-up old cast iron pan and a spoon carved from the stem of a giant pumpkin. She still had each gift he had given her.

Suddenly a thought struck her, perhaps Hagrid would know what Snape wanted from Christmas! Hagrid had spoken many times about getting gifts for the different professors of Hogwarts, often showing them off to Harry, Ron, and herself before trying his best to wrap them. Plus, he wasn’t bound by the tongue-tying curse since he wasn’t a ministry worker. Surely he would have gotten Snape gifts over the years, he had always liked Snape. He had defended Snape starting in their first year, always pointing out that the Professor would do anything to protect the school, even hinting that perhaps under all the bravado, there was a good man to be found. Even when Dumbledore had been killed Hagrid couldn’t believe it. Yes, Hagrid would know what to do, she even seemed to remember Severus mentioning the great half giant once or twice, maybe they were better friends than either let on. Finishing her coffee and dashing for warm clothes, Hermione prepared herself for the trek to Hagrid’s hut.

\--------------

Severus paced back and forth in the lab, occasionally looking over the shoulders of his researchers. This was not how he needed his weekend to start off. At 9 a.m. he had been flooed by a flustered Auror asking for him and a few of his team to come in and help them with an object they had located during a raid. They had detected no curse, but it had still violently shocked the person who had tried to pick it up, severely dazing him. The team had found a multitude of the little metallic shocking spheres throughout the raid, and no curse breaker or magical law enforcement officer had been able to determine how the little things worked.

Upon receiving the report, Severus had called for three of his team members that were well-researched in the areas of electricity and mechanics to start deconstructing the objects. While they posed no real danger (a simple spell could be used to render them inert), they were fascinating, and the Ministry wanted to know how they worked and why a well-known blood purist had possessed them in his home. Since it was a Saturday, all they would do today was give them a quick once over and log any unusual properties to be researched further starting Monday.

By noon Severus was free to enjoy the rest of his Saturday, but really couldn’t see how to enjoy to. He had about a week to buy or make a bloody gift. He had given a grand total of four gifts in his life, all of them to Lily in their first four years at Hogwarts, and they had all been birthday gifts. Before Hogwarts he had never even seen a real Christmas tree up close. What was he supposed to give someone with so much Christmas cheer? 

It couldn’t be a muggle gift, having been raised in the muggle world she wouldn’t find muggle objects or literature unique. Or should it be something muggle so it would be familiar? Argh he hadn’t a clue. 

Finding himself in Diagon Alley, he began to meander. Why had she gone and ruined his plans to avoid this nonsense. He was perfectly happy with no presents and giving none in return. Hermione seemed so logical, reasonable, and yet here she was participating and advocating for a silly superfluous holiday, he couldn’t understand. To top it all off, he was starting to miss her. The lab was too quiet when he was alone, he liked talking to her. Sure, it had taken a bit but the bint was smart! And funny, and kind, and sarcastic, and gorgeous, and… no! Enough of that. With a shake of his head, he trained his thoughts back to the business at hand, getting the swot a gift. 

Everything always seemed to lead him back to Hermione… He needed a drink.

With that, he headed for the Leaky Cauldron.


End file.
